Posted on June 25, 2009 - by Rasham

Prince Ditches Princess on a Hike in the Woods

The ultimate relationship challenge, that which has the power to reveal the true and uncensored character of a man, is a simple hike in the woods. Most women, being in the presence of a man, secretly crave to feel safe and protected, a subconscious desire that intensifies when a pair is alone in wild and untamed natural surroundings. A woman may be strong, beaming with fearless energy and zealousness, but these traits of character are truly allowed to shine when she feels a certain promising level of comfort, which is why she embarks on a hike for two, with the one she trusts to be her companion throughout the duration of the potentially dangerous journey.

So here I am, my companion and I equally excited for the hike ahead, gearing up and heading out side by side. In the beginning, I’m breathless at the many sights and sounds we encounter together on our walk, paying little attention to the muddy residues of bear prints and wildcat warning signs. But then I begin to notice that he’s walking ahead, making a conscious effort to keep a significant distance between us. I start to wonder if I’ve done something wrong, but I can’t reach any such conclusion.  I struggle to keep up, hastening my pace, and in the process neglect to absorb the beauty that is all encompassing. Instead of an inspiring exploration, I am now on a mission to  maintain the speed he has chosen, which is too fast for any novice outdoors woman. Eventually, my partner in the wild is too far ahead to be seen, and I call his name in desperation, but my efforts are not rewarded: I am now alone in uncivilized territory with nothing but a water bottle and chewing gum to protect me from the swarms of pesky mosquitoes and the sweltering heat.

Alone and miserable, not to mention slowly becoming overwhelmed by fear, I stop in my tracks after exhausting all attempts of reuniting with my estranged companion. Tears building in my eyes, I swallow my self-pity and decide I will try and enjoy my time in the boughs of Mother Nature. I spin myself around and begin the lonesome trek back to the point of origin. However, I am unable to trick my mind into adopting a meditative framework for insightful reflection. I am powerless over the many questions produced by the thoughts racing in circles around my head. And so it goes that a journey to the woods spawns a journey into the nature of man, or my man at least.

I can think of only two reasons that a man would leave his mate alone on a hike in the woods: first being that he despises her, loathes her existence and silently wishes for her death with every fake kiss and artificial smile. On the contrary, the act of the pair becoming isolated from one another may have happened due to a case of innocent neglect: he may have been so engaged in the beautiful rapture of his surroundings that he had simply forgotten to turn around and recognize his responsibility to his other half.

My fragile heart didn’t want to believe that my beau disliked me enough to invite me for an outing and then abandon me just as it started. However, it didn’t seem possible that he could accidentally forget that he was a member of a small group, and simply continue on the trail without a thought to reconnect with his company. So, as my feet tumbled down the hill they had previously scaled, I denied both of these possibilities. There must be another reason to account for my solitude, some other facet of his character to which I owe a bounty of nasty words.

And at the exact moment that a falling branch mercilessly hits the fibers of my shoe, the truth hits the corners of my mind, and all other clouds of thought vanish as I am startled by the occurrence of both phenomena. There are two types of men in the world: those who walk side by side with their feminine counterpart, and those who walk ahead. I envy those darling couples I see on sunset hikes in city parks, her hand cuddled in his, their movements perfectly syncopated so the space between them is so small it’s practically immeasurable. I think of how a walk with a friend or a family member retains a sort of subtle Romantic quality, an unspoken law of commitment being obeyed by all participating parties, and which was sorely lacking from my current affair. It all boils down to this: insecurity. He left me because his insecurity is so consuming it masks his judgment of all else, an enormous detriment to the sense and sensibility of human interactions. To him, the hike was actually a primordial competition in which the dominant male, overcome by a natural fear of defeat, and encouraged by insecurity, submits to these unforeseen forces. He is essentially compromising decency and compassion in order to finish first. Insecurity is so powerful a condition it devastates a person’s ability to care for anything outside of satisfying his craving for a feel-good fix of self reassurance. Because insecurity is an affliction of the mind similar to that of an addict, the insecure person cares for nothing more than getting ‘high’, which in this case translates to an undeniable will to power, control, and success. and, like an addict, there are moments in time where caring for someone falls second place to caring for oneself. my partner simply doesn’t care.

To care for someone is to actively experience empathy, the universal glue that holds us all together. Empathy is that beautiful natural emotion embedded deep within our soul that is responsible for our cohesive existence. Without empathy, no one would be concerned for anything but their own well being, and societies would be chaotic and dangerous as people scrambled to protect their own interests at whatever cost. Without empathy, people wouldn’t care for one another, and a global epidemic of boyfriends leaving girlfriends in the woods would obliterate a significant portion of happy duos. Empathy is the soil from which the roots of care are planted, and from which relationships begin to blossom and grow.

That’s not to say that the man I am dating is a monster who altogether lacks the mechanism for producing the most primitive of human emotions: even in his haze of insecurity he cares for people, for things. I know at least this much, as I briefly reviewed the array of framed photographs arranged in an attractive pattern about his modest apartment. He loves his dog, his family, and his things: his care for such amenities isn’t in question; he simply doesn’t care about me. My presence is threatening; I am the tangible manifestation of all which stirs his uneasiness with his own existence. He would deny this if confronted with my speculation, the words ‘of course I care about you’ rolling in succession from in between the cracks of his polished pink lips. But I know better, as I have scientifically evaluated this unavoidable test of compatibility, and I have reached a concrete conclusion: despite the fact that my presence may annoy him, despite that he may have actually been distracted by the undeniable aura of serenity, despite that he may have more confidence in my hiking capabilities than me, the fact remains that he left me behind him, to walk at his heels, to follow his arrogant lead until the arrival at the mapped destination. It didn’t matter that I fell so far behind that I inevitably had to abort-mission, or that I grew weak striving to match his pace. My well-being is of no concern to him: his chronic condition of subliminal insecurity has shaped him into a timeless mold devoid of any emphatic dispositions: he just couldn’t care less.

I smile as I accept my findings, which are a testament to the true nature of this man, and I realize that I can relax and slow my achy yams as I hear the rush of rapid water flowing beside me through the dense thicket of brush and trees, signifying the near end of this depressing vacation. Actually, I am grateful to the mystic forces which guided me to this lonely epiphany, as I was able to learn more about this man from a seemingly insignificant recreational day trip than I had previously from hours of intimate conversation. All I really need to know about a potential lover I can learn from a hike in the woods: if he’s the kind of man to leave a woman behind, then he’s the kind of man capable of hurtful behavior. And if he’s capable of hurtful behavior, then he lacks a valuable element necessary for the success of any could-be alliance.

So ladies, be forewarned; if during a hike in the woods you find yourself a noticeable distance behind your date, waste no time. Wash your hands of this blatant carelessness, of this obvious disregard for you, when the consequence of his selfish act is simply that you had to complete the hike alone. A man who interprets an ‘outing for two’ as an opportunity to ‘ditch the bitch’ is not one who should then afterward receive the privilege of bedtime affairs. My interest in maintaining a relationship with this man was shattered the moment I lost sight of him amidst the sequoias and evergreens, and no apology is necessary or wanted, as no retribution can be paid to excuse a character defect that is likely to come into play in similar future rendezvous. I made it back without having to play dead or make noise, and I need not waste another moment of my life with this selfish man.

‘Where did you go?’ he asks when we finally met back at the car. ‘I guess I was lost’, was my response. A short car ride later I exited the vehicle, and upon closing the passenger door, turned to him as he said ’so i’ll call you later?’ I smiled and lowered my eyes to meet the pavement before me, quietly strutting towards my front door. That is the last time I will ever see that man, and for future relationships, I will be sure to encourage an outdoor play date, so that I can accurately measure the value of commiting to the person I could potentially grow to adore. When I do find that remarkable man with whom a hike in the woods feels more like a fantastical tryst to a magical place, where heartwarming opportunities for gestures of intimacy and love nurture the fears of wilderness survival, I will praise him for his displays of patience and confidence, and thank him for allowing me to hold his hand. And maybe, just maybe, the end of the hike will mark the beginning of a relationship in which it is worth investing.